


Don't Mention It

by scully1138



Series: Don't Mention It [1]
Category: Person Of Interest - Fandom, Person of Interest (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-02
Updated: 2013-10-02
Packaged: 2017-12-28 05:30:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 534
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/988253
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scully1138/pseuds/scully1138
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is a brief bit of pre-Rinch angst. It's inspired by Harold's comment when John tries to thank him at the end of Dead Reckoning.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Don't Mention It

Don’t mention it. There are no words to describe what we mean to each other anyway. Even if we could find them, those words would be more frightening than the bullets we elude daily. 

Don’t mention it, because what’s left unspoken is more powerful than we can yet understand. 

So we settle for, “I got you into this,” and “I’m returning the favor,” when what we really mean is “I’d give my life to save yours, because my life without you is unimaginable now. And if we blow up together, that’s infinitely preferable to being apart.” But we won’t mention that. 

.

I gave you a purpose but you became my destiny, the singular solution to the complex equation of my life. The fact of you moves my existence from the theoretical to the empirical. Caring for you defines me now, and I won’t recognize myself without you to reflect my image. But I will never say these things out loud. 

And I won’t say how much I fear losing you. I won’t mention how my very breath stops when I can’t reach you, though perhaps you hear the relief in my voice when I know you’re safe. But you’ll never know that I was ready to storm the very gates of purgatory to find you again. An unlikely role, I agree, but for you I would try to be that knight in armor. 

You moved the story of my life from the mathematics section to romance novels. But I’ll never speak of how I dream of your lips just gently brushing against mine because I dare not imagine more. 

.

I won’t mention that since you found me, I feel less alone in a world that has asked a lot of me - that loneliness and an empty soul would have killed me long before alcohol. And I’m quite sure I’ll never say that my life now is like warm spring restored after a bitter winter, though that’s exactly how I feel when I’m with you, renewed by the miracle of your presence. I recognize you as my sovereign nation, though I can make no claim on you. 

I’ll never reach for you in times of pain or joy, though holding you is the only thing that would make me feel complete. You’ll never know how I would dissolve at your slightest touch, or yield to your smallest wish, for such is the sway you hold over me. I’ll mention it not. 

And I won’t say that I long to curl my body around yours (kissing your lips, your cheek, your neck) and protect you from all the harm in the world. Not that you’d ever allow me, but I imagine it just the same. 

Instead I bring a dog to watch over you when I can’t be there - the flesh and blood recipient of all the affection we can’t show each other. Was ever a dog loved so dearly as ours? 

.

We won’t talk about the longing to be whole, or of the sense of touch denied. Nor of trust and desire, love and accord. 

Will there ever be a day when we speak of these things? Perhaps, but please don’t mention it - yet. 

.

FIN


End file.
